Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
