Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
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no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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