I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
