Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Randomize
