i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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