new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
