I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
