At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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