the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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