you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
We are two peas in an std pod
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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