That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
