if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
