At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
