I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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