I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
