Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
