Cold hands, warm shart.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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