I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
