we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
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I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
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You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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