You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
And then my night got REAL pukey
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
