I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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