I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
