I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
