I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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