He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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