okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
