I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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