We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
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then he tried to convert me to islam
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
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How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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