I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I puked a lego.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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