hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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