and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
We are two peas in an std pod
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
