So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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