My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize