Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
