can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
