The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
