I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I don't deserve a penis
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
