you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
