wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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