Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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