well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You were trust falling into bushes
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
