with your own penis?
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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