Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
