Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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