If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
