True but thats because hes a fetus.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
