where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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