I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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