some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
