He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
