areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
