Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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