CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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