Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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