It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
