He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Randomize
