break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
