i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
