Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I think i got beer on your cat.
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