well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
