I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
