As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
