Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
