In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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