no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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