Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
