Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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