You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
