Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
