listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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